I’ve been riddled with guilt lately about being a crappy mom. All moms have those moments and when I’m overcome with the shoulda-coulda-wouldas, I get real with God.
I ask for guidance, grace, and strength. Sometimes we talk it out, sometimes I am gently placed on a path in a new direction, other times he puts something in front of me to really think about.
Just the other day God and I were having a conversation while I was driving home. I opened up to God and poured it all out. He knows what’s weighing heavily on my heart and he delivered what I needed almost immediately.
I felt the need to change the radio station in the car to The Message, the Christian music channel on SiriusXM. (I’ve been keeping it on there for the most part when the girls are in the car, then switching it back to The Heat or The 90’s when I’m alone.) But this time a song I had never heard before came on right when I switched it over.
“Slow Fade” by Casting Crowns is not a new song, but it spoke to me right then and continues in my head as I work out my crappy mommy moment.
It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you’re thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking
It is a slow fade. Something you do in increasing amounts over time forms nasty habits, results in poor decisions, and
can will have everlasting negative effects on those you love.
We’ve all been there and yeah, it takes a hell of lot of effort not to find yourself going down that path again. Ask me how I know.
As parents, we absolutely must carry ourselves with grace. That said, our children should see us fall from time to time. They should see us hit our knees and seek guidance from our Father. Little eyes, little ears, little hearts… they’re right there watching us, seeking our guidance. We must guard our hearts and we absolutely must guard our children’s hearts.
I wanted to share this song and the background as to why I felt the need to share it. Listen to the words. Really listen.